Bringing Back the Art of Enjoying Each Life Stage

Over the past few years, I have had a lot of the big life events occur. We moved in together, got engaged, married, travelled, got pregnant, bought a house, and had a baby. All are huge milestones in ones life. While we seemed to do it all in a matter of three years, I have the utmost respect for those who take their time in each stage. These are moments to be enjoyed and appreciated, not rushed whenever possible.

Everyone’s timeline is different and for different circumstances. What has become a lost art is the acceptance of giving people their time and space to live in that phase of their lives. Why are we rushing everyone?

Planning a wedding can be hard. Coming from someone who planned her wedding at the tail end of a world pandemic, venues can be hard to book, or some require you to book years out. Finances play a huge part because weddings are expensive, no matter how frugal you try to be and how much you simplify your choices or guest list, everything adds up. The last thing a soon-to-be bride needs to be questioned.

We need to change the script. Instead of “When’s the wedding?” Try, “How is engaged life?”. Why can’t we allow people to just live in their current phase?

A lot of it comes down to conversation starting questions. Which can be so basic, boring and overused. I expect these things from people you aren’t close to, a distant aunt or a family friend. But when it is your direct family or a pushy friend, it becomes annoying.

As soon as someone gets into a relationship, the question is when will they get engaged? As soon as they are engaged, when is the wedding? Once they are married, when are they having kids? Once the first kid is born, when are they having another? No wonder there is so much anxiety and stress around significant milestones in people lives. Not only is there a massive change happening to you, you’re also being hounded to do the next thing.

I remember when my son was only 18 days old and we finally ventured out as a family to a store, I was approached be a complete stranger that I should have more children because my son was so cute. While that is incredibly flattering, can’t I enjoy my first baby before contemplating another?

We don’t know if a new mom struggled to get pregnant or if they are dealing with postpartum depression, or whatever their situation may be. Take a beat before questioning a woman about her plans for children or more kids. It can be triggering.

While life is full of beautiful moments and amazing memories are made throughout it, living in the moment can be hard enough, that societal pressures to jump into the next thing are simply unnecessary. Changing our own language about it all isn’t easy, but we need to think before we speak sometimes and read the person we are talking to. It can be a matter of respect and consideration.

Melanie xoxox