Real Friends vs. Being Friendly

I’ve always felt like the word acquaintance felt cold. Like it was too formal, or not compassionate enough. So I have always called people friends. Even if I hadn’t seen the person for years and years, or if I had only met them a handful of times, or they were a coworker who I got along with, I referred to them as a friend if they were part of a story or memory I was sharing.

Over the years I have really come to value and recognize what true friendship really is. While I can still be blindsided by someone who has decided to change their opinion on me, I cannot control that as much as it hurts, and it shows me it is time to let that person go. Age and maturity has taught me who is worth the efforts of my attention and those who are not. I refuse to beg someone for their time or energy, because I don’t have vast amounts of either for myself, so I cannot exert what I have left toward someone who doesn’t value me.

I now have two children, and I want to raise them to respect themselves along with those around them. I cannot show pathetic behavior of grabbling towards someone who is willing to hurt my feelings or speak ill of my character. That shows I am accepting of someone mistreating me, and that is not going to happen. Not anymore.

When I was much younger, I can remember asking a boy to not like me or have feelings for me after he told me he did because I knew my friend liked him and I did not want her feelings to get hurt. Well that blew up in my face because word got out that I had known he liked me, and still remained friends with him while my friend was enamored by him and I became the bad guy. Kids can be cruel, especially teenagers and I can remember being bullied for not wanting to smoke a cigarette. I really hope the newer generations can eliminate peer pressure or ruthless teasing with things that aren’t doing anyone any good.

Friendship breakups can be harder then relationship breakups, but when necessary, they really need to be done. Sometimes we lose touch over time, or we move away, or change our values or our lifestyles and that person no longer fits the life we wish to lead. And that is okay. We can distance ourselves and move forward. But blatantly ridiculing someone to make yourself look better, that is where I draw the line. It shows a lack of empathy and character on your end and truly its weak and sad.

I strongly believe in the friendships I hold to this day and put in effort wherever possible to maintain them. Even if I am the one who reaches out to them 98% of the time, I value who they are and when it comes down to it, they are still there for me. I may be the one who remembers their birthday every year and they reach out a day late for mine, but life gets busy and I can let that go. When zero efforts are made to reach out to me or they never even try to remember my birthday, or conversations are one sided and not asking how I am for once, that is a sign this isn’t working out any longer and I need to reevaluate.

Reconnecting with those who have been a great friend in the past and you run into each other or happen to have something in common happening to one another, it is nice to catch up. Friendships don’t have to be lost forever and just because you lose touch does not mean there is any hate or disrespect there.

People will come and go through the seasons of your life. This shows growth in yourself. Who you were in high school is likely not the same person you are now. We gain experience and move to new places and get married and have kids and all of those things change your views and values as you go. I will always believe in leading with kindness and being a friendly person. But to be called a friend of mine nowadays, that is a privilege I do not hand out lightly. It is earned and respected and when it isn’t, it is no longer in play. We must respect ourselves and who we are and what we value, and not allow anything or anyone disrupt that. It doesn’t always have to be friend or foe, but it can certainly be friends or friendly.

Melanie xoxox