Our Struggles as New Mothers Matter
We still matter. Plain and simple. As a new mother, you tend to put everything for yourself off to the side in order to focus on this new life you have brought into this world. To keep them alive and well. We survive over thrive, especially in those first few months. Our struggles are fresh to us. We are living these struggles right now, so we are allowed to be in them and express them.
The unsolicited advice that comes with being a new mother is uncanny. From those who may have done this before, 10, 20 or 30 years ago. From those who have never been a mother, but have a friend who is, or a sister, or their mom told them. Men who think they know, but have no idea what our bodies and minds go through before, during and after child birth in whatever form it presents itself. While the advice and comparison is meant well, it is not necessary unless requested. Conversational and sharing notes, that’s one thing, but that is not always how it gets allocated.
Allow us to express ourselves as we live in it. Share our current struggles, our concerns and the pain we are living with as we feel we are in the trenches right now. You had your time, and while you did great, this is our time. Don’t downgrade how hard we are trying and rightfully succeeding. Don’t compare how many children you handled and raised to our one or two we are trying to figure out right now. You had your time, or will have your own time, so allow us to live and struggle and heck, complain if we must.
Our struggles still matter. We can still love on our babies, be forever grateful for them and have hard days, all at the same time. We are all trying to get through to the next day with our health and dignity. We can do this, we will do this and we are doing this. Motherhood is hard and we are allowed to embrace how challenging it is. Expressing this does not make us any less than. Our generation has found our voice where we can share this. We still do it all, we just share the hard times more and it doesn’t make us less capable. Allow us to live in it, be in it with us and listen over comparing. Sharing is one thing, but trying to one up or overshadow us does not help.
Mothering is one of the most beautiful, messy, stressful, complicated, glorious, exhausting and challenging things we can ever choose to take on. We are stronger than ever, and weakened by tiny beings all at once. We were meant for this, we are built for this and we are so capable of this. You got this Mama!
Melanie xoxox